We are headed home tomorrow. Today is a busy day of tying up loose ends and tomorrow will be a long day of travel.
As much as I want to go home, I have some concerns.
•I am dreading the flights home. I love my girl and she has matured a lot in the last two months but she does not sit well. Ever. She's not even still when she's sleeping. I hope we get a very understanding person next to us. And behind us. And in front of us.
•I am excited to get back to real life. I just don't know what real life looks like any more. Sometimes I picture being home and then realize life doesn't look like that any more. It's not a bad thing. It's just an unknown. We all know I don't like unknowns.
•We have life here figured out. It's mundane and boring but it's what we know together. What if I can't handle parenting on top of other responsibilities?
These are the things that woke me up at 5 this morning.
Ready or not, we are boarding a plane tomorrow.
It will all work out & you will definitely be able to do this (life at home; not sure about the flight!!!)
ReplyDeleteYou will do fine, Natalie, and be a great mom. You will learn as you go, there are plenty of manuals; however, they don't cover all that you will encounter. Can't wait for summer, July, and meeting your little Sara!!
ReplyDeleteI have been praying for you, and watching your blog, since you first committed to Sara. Thank you for your example!
ReplyDeleteI am also a single young lady, and one of my greatest desire is to adopt a child or children with Down's syndrome one day.
You have blessed me!!!
Been there, done that (26 hours of travel home from Ethiopia with a very active 2 year old who had giardia and thus explosive, well, you know what). Not gonna lie - it was brutal. I dreaded the trip home and it was pretty bad. It's like labor though (I think, I've never done that) and you forget about it pretty quick. I'm a single mama, too, and I'll tell you what I wish someone would have told me. Your life is going to be unrecognizable and most of it will be amazing. Some of your new life may be less than amazing and downright hard. It is okay. If you and Sara are alive at the end of the day - success! Anything beyond that is bonus points for you. It took me about six months home before I had my bearings back, and the other single adoptive mamas I've met have had similar experiences. Being a single parent is HARD. If someone tells you "well, this is what you wanted" you may feel like you want to poke their eyes out with a fork. Don't feel bad - this is a normal response, although I'd recommend against actually poking someone's eyes out. If you don't know know any single adoptive mamas - find at least one. My family is great (including my sister who was adopted from Colombia) and I had lots of friends, including those who adopted around the same time, but it was the other single mamas who saved my sanity time and time again. You will find your way and you will be everything your little girl needs, but you don't have to find it and be it all in the first months.
ReplyDeleteNatalie....you are not the first new mom to panic over the future and what if's. I think when reality sets in, that's how most mom's feel. I have always wanted kids...that's what I saw as my future. Once my first son was born, about 5 hrs later, I became sooo overwhelmed. When I held him, all I could think of was if anything went wrong, it was my fault. How would I get him to have friends from the right crowd, what about drugs or what if he drops out of school. The what ifs wouldn't stop. Yet, at that moment, the only thing my son needed was to be held, loved and fed. I was panicing for no reason over things that were years away. It's only natural that you are thinking the what ifs. You and Sara have a bond now and a deep love for each other. You made it thru these last 2 months, mostly just you & Sara, without anyone's help (except for your mom). Once you are home, you have sooo many friends and loved ones that will be there for you...to have your back. You will be fine...Sara will be fine. You will make mistakes, as all parents do. That's life. You will be great and all of your friends and family know this. Enjoy this journey that you are on because Sara is going to grow up sooo fast! See you soon.
ReplyDeleteI also did a flight from moscow to LAX with a 5 hour delay. The giardia as well which is not pleasant. I kept telling my self it is 13 hours or 20 hours out of my life. You will be fine and we pray she falls asleep as mine did.
ReplyDeleteCan't wait to see a post state side,
pat