2014 - Our Year in Review - Part 1

I know.  I've been very negligent when it comes to updates.  It's certainly not because there aren't things going on.  Maybe it's because there is too much going on.  Here's a summary of our 2014:

January:

We rang in the New Year in Maine with my Dad and my brother.  Our actual New Years Eve was not very exciting.

However, I got to spend New Years Day with my grandmother, aunts, uncles, and many of my cousins.  We picked my Uncle up to take him to see my grandmother.  He himself had been in the hospital since the fall.  It was fun to be with him while he experienced life outside of those four walls for the first time in months.  Sadly, my grandmother passed away two days later.  

On the 14th, we celebrated one year together.  

We went to Disney Princesses on Ice.  It's possible that Tia and Mommy enjoyed it a little more than Sara.  

The rest of the month was cold, snowy, and uneventful.  

February:  

February was more cold and snow.  

March:

In March, we got to meet our friends the Aschoffs in real life.  They also have a daughter from Colombia.  We met up with them at the IDSC's meet up at Great Wolf Lodge.  Sara was in her glory!  

We rocked our socks for World Down Syndrome Day! 

April:

We drove to Cincinnati and  NY for Spring Break.  Sara is a serious road trip warrior.  

We got to hang out with the Allison family in Cincinnati and meet their newest additions.  They adopted their son around the same time that I adopted Sara. 

A few days later, we flew to Maine for my grandmother's memorial service.  

Sara started swimming lessons.  

We had a quiet Easter with just the two of us.  

And then my poor baby got pneumonia.  

Sara took a tumbling class.  

May:

Sara rode a pony at her school's Family Fun Night.  This was something she refused to do in the fall.  

We did a 5k for my work.  She ran some, walked some, and rode some.

She loved the Memorial Day parade.

June:  

She was in her first ever school program!

My baby finished Kindergarten.

We were both in Tia Anna's wedding.  

I officially finished my 14th year of teaching.  

Sara went to summer school in the mornings for a few weeks while I tried to remember what I used to do before she consumed every minute of my life.

We made a quick trip back to New York to see my brother George graduate from high school.

I love her confidence.  

Check back soon for the rest of the year!

Coincidence?

Tonight was Family Fun Night at Sara's school.  We paid $1 and got way more food than we could eat, games, pony rides, face painting, and a bounce house.  I knew Sara would love it so I signed us up.

Then I started to dread it.  I knew exactly how it would go down.  Sara would spend the vast majority of the night in the bounce house and I'd be stuck standing outside with nothing to do and no one to talk to.  These are the types of events that make me really wish I had a husband.  But again, I knew Sara would love it so we went.

It went down pretty much exactly as I thought it would.  EXCEPT----

Sara's math teacher was running the bounce house.  We started chatting.  Her first questions were about adoption.  She was thrilled to realize that I had CHOSEN to adopt Sara KNOWING that she had Down syndrome.  She started telling me that:

*She's always kind of wanted a child with Down syndrome.
*She's never told anyone that because she thought it sounded crazy.
*She's always been drawn to her students with DS.
*Her students with DS have always been her favorites---except teachers don't have favorites.
*She didn't realize you could adopt a child with DS before she heard Sara's story.
*She has a lot of professional experience that would be valuable.
*She really feels like she has a lot to offer a child with DS.
*She really thinks she could do it.
*But, she's not married.

That is my EXACT story!  I wrote it out here when I was first considering adoption.

Things got busy after that so I told her that she should definitely consider it and that LOTS of kids with Down syndrome are looking for families.  Of course, I told her that she should check out Reece's Rainbow and contact me if she had anymore questions or wanted to chat.

I have never met this woman before tonight and probably wouldn't have if we hadn't gone.  She only has Sara for math so she doesn't come to the IEP meetings.  I'm rarely at Sara's school because of my work schedule.  It's very possible our paths would never have crossed.

It was very clear to me that she adores Sara and that Sara's story has touched her heart.  People always say that Sara is very lucky to have been adopted but I know that a lot of people have been blessed by Sara.  This little girl is capturing hearts every where she goes.  I'm the one that is blessed to be a part of her life.  

Some pictures of Family Fun Night:

Grandpa has taught us to always be early so we were waiting in the car for it to start.  

The first thing we found was the food.  

First Pony Ride.  It took her a little while to relax.  

Last time I took her for a pony ride, she waited for an hour and wouldn't get on.  This time she rode like a pro!

School Stuff - My Advice

If you know me at all in real life (or on facebook), you know that I have had nothing but constant issues with Sara's school this year.  The district was great to work with before she came home.  In my own naive little world, I assumed that everything would be fine.  After all, I'm a special education teacher.  I know how these things work.  Certainly I wouldn't have any problems.  I couldn't have been more wrong.

*I should note that the majority of the problems come from a completely incompetent teacher.  The whole district isn't bad but this teacher has  no idea what she's doing.  

I want to share some of the things I've learned.  These things may be helpful to anyone who has a child with special needs--even if you are a special education teacher with 13 years experience!  

*Learn the laws!!  Education laws change from state to state.  Even the most knowledgeable person can't know them all.  However, IDEA is a federal law and anyone can learn the basics of that.  There are also a lot of books out there about Special Education law.  A quick google search of Special Education Law and your state will produce a lot of results.  Learn as much as you can.

*Get an advocate!!  You do not have to spend money to hire a lawyer.  You don't need someone with a fancy title.  You just need someone that can go to meetings with you.  If you introduce them as a parent advocate, they will garner respect---even if they are just your next door neighbor.

I've been in more IEP meetings than I can count as a teacher.  I've sat in on some of my brothers' IEP meetings.  Sitting in one as a parent is an entirely different game.  It's intimidating.  So much is being said so quickly.  It's impossible to catch and process it all.  Bring someone with you who can take notes.  Even if that's all they do, that's ok.  Even if you have the best relationship with the school possible and your child is doing amazingly well, it's always nice to have another set of eyes and ears at a meeting.

It's helpful if your advocate does have some special education knowledge and experience.  A lot of times, a local disability support group can help you find one.  Sometimes, the school has parents who volunteer for that role.  Don't be afraid to ask!

I am blessed with many friends who are very knowledgeable in the field.  I bring a friend to meetings with me.  I introduce her as my friend Sharon.  I let them draw their own conclusions.

*Ask questions.  I have learned over the years that asking questions can get you a lot farther than direct confrontation.  I use this in a lot of areas of my life.

If you don't understand why something is being done with your child or what the rationale is for something, just ask.  Sara was coming home with homework packets from Kindergarten that were way over her head.  My assumption was that this is what she is working on at school and I didn't understand why she was working on Kindergarten skills when she didn't have all the readiness skills yet.  So, I asked in the meeting yesterday what the rationale was for that.  I was told that due to state regulations and Common Core, Kindergarten age students need to be exposed to Kindergarten concepts.  While I still don't really agree with it, I understand now the rationale and legalities behind it.  Rather than start a fight or get into a confrontation, I asked.  She answered.  I understood.

*Sweat the little things.   If there are things going on that you don't like or don't approve of, bring them up before all the little things turn into a big thing.  I spent the first several weeks of the school year assuming that things were going to get better.  It felt like each day something small was going wrong or not being done.  I didn't want to nitpick so I didn't bring it up.  By the time someone did ask me why I was so frustrated, I had a long laundry list of things.  I wish now that I'd brought things up one at a time and not waiting until it was a multiple page email.  I've had parents do that to me and I didn't appreciate it.  As a teacher, you can't fix things that you don't know are wrong.

*Ask for what your child needs.  Unfortunately, schools don't seem to offer services, evaluations, or accommodations, without a parent asking.  I'm not sure why that is because I know that there are good therapists, teachers, and administrators out there.  As a parent, you have to ask.  If your child doesn't speak, you should be asking for a full speech and assistive tech eval.  If your child has sensory or fine motor issues, you need to ask for a complete OT evaluation and services.  I just found out this week that the school will take care of Sara's hearing testing because she failed the test at school.  (I sure wish I'd known that before I paid $45 to take her for an eval.)  As the school if they provide the service that your child needs or if they know someone that does.  Most schools will provide what you ask for.

*Understand that 99%  of the people you come in contact with love your child and want the best for them.  Yes.  There are definitely horror stories out there of mean, lazy, abusive, neglectful, or awful teachers.  They do exist.  But, the vast majority of us in the field are in it because we love the kids.  We want to see them succeed.  We want to help them reach their potential.  Like everyone else, we have off days.  We make mistakes.  There may be days that your kid comes home with some lunch on their face.  It doesn't mean we hate your child or we ignored them all day.  It just means we got really busy or we had an off day.

Even though I have no faith in Sara's teacher's ability to educate my child, I don't think she's a bad person.  I don't think she's trying to hold my child back or even that she's lazy.  I think she just has no idea how to appropriately teach my child.  I can't say anything bad about her as a person, even though I feel like her classroom is not the appropriate place for my child.

I have been in meetings where parents have insulted and degraded me as a person.  That's really not fair.  Even if you don't think that I am the best person to be teaching your child, you don't know me as a person.  I know that emotions run high when it comes to our kids.  Please try to remember that chances are that teacher is working as hard as she can to help your child--even if she's working on the wrong things or in the wrong way.  She is most likely going home exhausted from trying to help your child--even if she isn't succeeding.

I am sure that I will learn more lessons as I walk down this path.  Even writing this post has been a good reminder for me.  I am not fighting AGAINST a school district or teacher.  I am fighting FOR my child.   

What lessons have you learned that will help me (and other) navigate this crazy educational journey?  

Resolution....For Now

I knew going in to parenthood that I would be battling for my child all her life.  After all, I battled for a year to get her home.    I just didn't know the battles would start so soon.

I had some "surprise" issues come up with the school last week.  (You can read about them here).  They were so easy to work with when I was enrolling Sara.  I had hoped that would continue for a while.  While things aren't adversarial, I'm not as impressed with them as I was.

The issues came up at a meeting last Tuesday.  The social worker and I were the only ones at the meeting.  She said she would have to check with the director of special services about summer school and Sara's placement for next year.  I never heard back from her.  I emailed the director on Monday evening.  She's the only one I had contact information for.  I heard back from her immediately Tuesday morning.  I also got an email from the social worker with her contact information and direct line.  I guess someone didn't like that I went straight to the top.

The director told me that they hadn't offered summer school to Sara because they knew I wasn't working and didn't think I would want to send her.  What in the world  does my  job have to do with her education?  She tried to make it sound like she was doing me a favor by allowing me to have that time with my child.  They'll have her 2 1/2 hours a day for 20 days.  I'll have her the other 1,798 hours of my vacation.

We still haven't completely settled the Kindergarten issue but I'm kind of ok with it.  She will go full time in the fall.  She'll be in both the morning and afternoon Early Childhood classes.  She'll go to Kindergarten for Creative Movement (Gym), lunch, and recess.  The school hasn't ruled out her ability to "repeat" Kindergarten the following year.  If she's ready, I'd love for her to do a year of inclusion Kindergarten.  If she's not, this whole argument becomes a moot point.  Because of that, I've decided to wait a year to have this "fight."  She's only been in school a month.  No one can know where she'll be a year from now.  If she's ready for Kindergarten, I will fight for that with all the resources I have.  If she's not, we'll cross that bridge then.  I really don't see the point of continuing to fight about something that won't happen for another year and may not happen at all.

So, for now, I feel like I've won this little battle.  I know that a war rages on in front of me.  All I can do is continue fighting the battles as they appear before me


And just for fun, here are some recent pics:

Praying at her dedication

Looking way too old.

Ready for her first 5k!

Proving you CAN lick your elbow.

With Tia Anna's hat at Lauren's shower.  

Cake!

My fashionista!

School Disagreements

I got a call last week asking me to come in and discuss the plan for Sara's education next year.  The social worker said, that because she will be 5 in August, they wanted her to go to the early childhood class in the morning; to Kindergarten for creative moment (gym), lunch, and recess; and to return to her current early childhood class in the afternoon.  I said that sounded like a good plan.  She's got some catching up to do and can use all the help she can get.  Having her spend some time with the Kindergarteners would help us now if she's ready for K next year.  My only concern at that point was her ability to handle a full day.  She's so tired now with a half day.  I'm worried that she will be so tired in the afternoon that it will be counterproductive for her to be there and they will start to see some negative behaviors.  Of course, as soon as I hung up the phone, I had a long list of questions.

When I dropped her off on Tuesday, the other moms were asking me if Sara was going to summer school.  Huh.  The school never mentioned summer school.....  (I've never dropped Sara off at school.  Guess I picked the right day to do it.)  I now had two issues to bring up at the meeting.

The meeting was just the social worker and I.  Not a full team.  I knew that going in but that was before I had so many questions.  I'm wishing now there had been someone there with the authority to actually make decisions.

The social worker seemed surprised I was interested in summer school.  I don't know that Sara will be there every single day but she can use all the help she can get.  She's only been in this country for 2 months.  She's still learning the language.  How would they not think she would benefit from summer school?  She said she would have to ask the sped director.

I asked about next year.  I still have a hope that Sara will be ready for inclusion Kindergarten the year she is six.  I know that she isn't anywhere near ready right now.  She's only been in school for a month.  Who's to say she won't be ready next year?  How can you tell that in a month?  I would like her in the full day preschool program next year and inclusion Kindergarten when she's 6.  I was afraid, though, that by putting her in full day next year, they would count that as her K year and move her to 1st grade the next year--which she won't be ready for.  I feel like they are trying to track her into separate classes for the rest of her life.  Let's give the poor girl a fighting chance!!!

I was told that district policy is to not hold kids back.  Kids must stay with their same-age peers.  I understand the need for policy and the need for rules.  I also understand the need for exceptions.  They will probably not ever run into a case like Sara's again.  They won't be setting some future precedent by making this "exception."

I'm waiting to hear back from the sped director.  She was great to work with when I was enrolling Sara.  I hope it continues to be that way.  If not, I think I still have the option to keep her in half day preschool next year.  I think.  I do know that I have a few people waiting in the wings to help me out if it comes to that.  I really hope it doesn't.  I'd hate to have an adversarial relationship so quickly!