Facebook Status Update

I've been meaning to update forever.  I'm just tired by the time Sara goes to bed and I've been really busy knitting for Angel Tree.  I just haven't gotten to it.

So, instead of a real update, here are some facebook statuses and pictures from the last week.

Thanks, Mr. Jerry for loaning us Beauty and the Beast. She's watched it twice. She refused to eat dinner. I may never get her to bed. Definitely a hit!


What are all the local Christmas things that I need to do with Sara this year? We are going to experience as much Christmas as we can squeeze in.


Why do people perpetuate the idea that kids with Down syndrome are always happy and loving? I see it all the time and it's just not true. Sara is usually happy and can be incredibly friendly and kind. She is certainly not always that way. She can also be very stubborn, mean, and rude.


Who wants to come pull my child's tooth out? I am so grossed out by this process.


Today Sara:
1. Said "The End" completely unprompted at the end of a book.
2. Repeated and signed an entire sentence (one word at a time). She didn't used to repeat at all. 
3. Took my hand as we were leaving the post office. Usually, I have a death grip on her hand while explaining parking lots and moving cars to her. 
4. Signed two words together completely unprompted. 
This child is seriously changing ever single day.


It looks like "All I Want For Christmas Is My Two Front Teeth" is going to be Sara's theme song soon.


I don't think she's ready for a sibling. She's been yelling at E-ah (Eli) all night.


I could be a professional pacifer-loser. Seriously. Where do they go? (No. Sara doesn't use one but I watch Kate's kids on Tuesday nights.)


Every day I ask Sara how school went. Did she have fun? Did she learn something? All I get is "Yup." Today I asked. She thought about it, made a throwing motion and said "pelota." I looked on her sheet and she had gym class today. She was soooo proud and so was I!


Well now I want to put my tree up tonight.

It hurts a little bit that Sara runs to the end of the driveway alone and climbs on the bus without my help. I'll take this over the days when I had to carry her on to the bus while she tried to scratch my face off. I may never know what really happened at the old school but it has made me so thankful for this one.

I asked Kate to take a picture of her first snow fall. This is what I got.

Sara just licked a snow flake off the car. It might be time for a viewing of A Christmas Story.

So sad to be missing my baby's first snow fall.

There has to be a better way to do mornings. Two non-morning people trying to get out the door by 7:15. It may kill our relationship.

Veggie Tales Live. 

Sara is watching Peter Pan in French. She doesn't seem to notice. It's driving me crazy.

I had this song on repeat when we were in Colombia--especially during our "bonus" week. I clung to the belief that it was true. 

The first Sunday back we sang it in church and I cried knowing it was true. 

This morning Sara started singing it when it came on my ipod and we sang it again in church. Once again, I was brought to tears realizing on a whole different level how true it really is.

You were reaching through the storm
Walking on the water
Even when I could not see
In the middle of it all
When I thought You were a thousand miles away
Not for a moment did You forsake me
Not for a moment did You forsake me

[Chorus]
After all You are constant
After all You are only good
After all You are sovereign
Not for a moment will You forsake me
Not for a moment will You forsake me

[Verse 2]
You were singing in the dark
Whispering Your promise
Even when I could not hear
I was held in Your arms
Carried for a thousand miles to show
Not for a moment did You forsake me

[Chorus]

And every step every breath you are there
Every tear every cry every prayer
In my hurt at my worst
When my world falls down
Not for a moment will You forsake me
Even in the dark
Even when it's hard
You will never leave me
After all

[Chorus]
Not for a moment will You forsake me

Just the tip of the iceberg. There is also a brown corduroy skirt that is way too small. A pink shirt and boots.

If you see us at church, don't judge my child's outfit. She has clothes on. No blood was shed and we are on time. That's enough for today.

Sara stole my ball of yarn and a wrestling match ensued with lots of tickling. All fun and games until she wet her pajamas on my couch. Then, as we were walking up the stairs to change, she puked on them. Maybe the tickling was a little intense but I love her laugh! 

Choosing to believe in second chances. Praying for redemption.

Sara just turned down McDonalds fries. Trying to decide if I should call the pediatrician or take her straight to the ER. Something is clearly wrong.

We haven't even gotten out of the house yet and we set battling. If we had anything in the house to eat, I would put off grocery shopping again. But I'm hungry.

Apparently you need a fancy dress to watch dancing with the stars.

I've been looking for chocolate in Sara's candy bag for several days. I can't find any but she keeps appearing with chocolate kisses. Where is she stashing them?

I've been beyond enamored with my child lately. Tonight, I feel like she is determined to test my patience and sanity. (Let me save you some time, kid. I have neither right now.)

Pretty much sums up her life.

I had the privilege of walking through the adoption process with this couple. We spent a lot of boring hours walking the malls and streets of Bogota. The child they are raising today is not the same child she was 9 months ago. If you think Sara has changed, you should meet Claudia.

9 months. A lot can happen in 9 months. Lives conceived and started. A final year of school. A first year of college or work. The last months of a friend or loved one’s life. New jobs, new houses, new goals, new dreams.
In the last 9 months we’ve seen a Nation that was changed forever in a single day. Seen couples become families. Seen lives changed forever after an encounter with God. Seen the conclusion of lives given in service. So it feels right to me that these past 9 months that have changed our little corner of the World so much, have changed me as well.
I have always been focused on accomplishments and appearances. I want to be the best, so that I can be seen as being the best. I want people, complete strangers, to be impressed by me, and think that I am important. I want to be better than the people around me, and I want them to know it. My ego and arrogance are things that I will always struggle with.
Claudia will, very likely, never achieve any significant thing when compared to what a typical child might. She is four years old and can’t yet speak, read, write, run, jump or even walk very well. Her early life put her at a massive disadvantage, and she is going to fight that, and Down Syndrome, to “catch up” for a very long time, if not her entire life.
There was a time when this would have bothered me greatly. Instead, what I see now is a person who works hard, everyday. A person who will achieve whatever she is able to achieve, and be happier with that than most of us ever will be, regardless of our accomplishments. That the scale of her success is not impacted by the people around her. I see someone who is perfectly content with how God made her, and who already has a greater positive impact on the people around her than I could ever hope to. And she does it naturally.
We should all be so lucky.
I don't see her struggles as tragic anymore, I see them as inspiring. Someone who works hard to achieve their goals is an easy person for me to like, and a privilege to have as a daughter.
Everything else aside, in the last 9 months Claudia has made almost miraculous progress, which seems fitting, considering some of the miracles we experienced in adopting her. In such a short period of time we have seen amazing changes, and have bonded incredibly tightly as a family. I've watched as Angeline taught Claudia to do things that I didn't believe she was ever going to be able to do, and been taught time and time again: the only limitations on Claudia are the ones I put there. Claudia is a different child than the little girl we met 9 months ago, and I can’t wait to see what the next 9 months brings.

 

Angel Tree Fundraisers

I am working to raise money for Kimberley's grant this Christmas season.  The goal is to raise $1,000!  I will keep this post updated with current fund raisers.  I hope you check back and help out where you can!  I will also keep an updated total of the money raised between November 1 and December 31st.

Current Fundraisers:
October 1-December 31:  Scarves and Skirts for Sara.  So far this has raised $21.50 for Kimberley.  50% of the selling price of each item will be donated to Kimberley's grant.  This includes Buy It Now items and special order items.

November 1-December 31 - Ornaments Available.  Any donation of $35 or more to Kimberley's grant will get you a beautiful Reece's Rainbow ornament with Kimberley's picture on it.

November 1-15:  Online Auction.  I am looking for donations if you have something that you can donate.  Here is a post with the current items.

November 1-27:  Colossal Crossroads Challenge.  This is a local event.  So far this has raised $348 for Kimberley.  

Upcoming Fundraisers:  
November:  Paparazzi Jewelry Sale..   There will be an online sale and a local party.  The local party will be on November 22nd.  The online sale will start shortly after.  (Just in time for Cyber Monday!)

Past Fundraisers:

October 1-12:  Cards for a Cause.  This event raised $261 for Kimberley.

Boo! My Thoughts on Halloween

I don't like Halloween.  At all.  I love fall:  pumpkins, colored leaves, cooler weather, hoodies, harvest.  I do not, however, like Halloween.  I don't even think I really liked it as a kid.  (My sister and brother accuse me of having forgotten most of our childhood.  Maybe I forgot the years I liked trick-or-treating.)

It's not a religious thing like a lot of people might assume.  I just think it's dumb.  I don't understand dressing up and begging for candy from people you don't know.  I just don't get why that's fun.  Don't even get me started on celebrating a holiday that glorifies bats.  

I haven't really had to deal with Halloween much as an adult.  When I lived in apartments, it was easy to just ignore it.  The first year that I was in my house, I thought it would be really fun to have trick-or-treaters.  I bought a TON of candy.  I wanted to talk to the kids and ask about their costumes.  I wanted them to say trick-or-treat.  Very few kids showed up.  The ones that did were not chatty.  And what's with the parents having a bag?  Seriously?   

Last year was my second Halloween in my house.  I went out to dinner and a movie with a friend.  We saw Pitch Perfect and loved it.  There was almost no one in the theater.  It was great!  That's my idea of a fun holiday.

I've been saying since last year that I'm not going to take Sara trick-or-treating.  It doesn't sound like fun to me at all.  And, she doesn't know what it is so she won't know what she's missing.  Growing up, we lived in a  small town and only went to houses of people we knew.  My dad drove us around.  To do that with Sara would take hours.  Our friends are so spread out.  And, it would involve getting in and out of the car seat repeatedly.  (Not any one's idea of a good time.)   I don't know anyone in my neighborhood and the thought of getting food from strangers just makes me really nervous.

Those were my concerns before I knew Sara.  Now I know for a fact that I will not take her trick-or-treating this year.  

Sara is a mooch.  She will be best friends with anyone who has food.  It doesn't matter if she knows them or not.  She cuddles up next to them and is eating their food in no time.  Obviously, this is a major problem and cannot continue.  It's something I am working on constantly.

Sara is also very loving to everyone she meets.  She doesn't know what a stranger is and would go with anyone she met.  This is also a major problem and something I am trying to address.

Do you see why I think trick-or-treating is a bad idea?  Let's ring a door bell and ask a perfect stranger for food!  I can see it now--she will be sitting on someone's couch with their candy bowl in her lap.  And I'll get slapped and bitten when I try to get her to leave.  This is a scene I can live without!  

Maybe next year we'll be ready for trick-or-treating.  This year, she can wear her costume to her new school.  (Yay for a new school!)  On Sunday we are going to a Halloween party at Gigi's Playhouse where she can trick-or-treat and wear her costume.  On Thursday night, we will go out to eat and to the movies.  Maybe I'll even let her wear her costume.

Auction for Kimberley

I am hosting an on-line auction for Kimberley.  It will begin November 1 and end November 15th at 9PM Central time.  Here are some of the items up for bid:

To purchase an item, please visit the Facebook Page.  

To donate an item, leave a comment below.  

Guilt?

I participate in a couple of on-line adoption groups. Sometimes, these groups provide an amazing amount of support. Sometimes, they provide an endless amount of frustration when people say and do things that I just don't agree with. Sometimes, they cause me to stop and think about what I really believe. Today falls under the third category.

Someone is selling t-shirts. She posted a picture with this description:

Wanted: a good home for this tshirt. Must love orphans, and believe every child deserves a mom and dad. Washing said shirt is optional, the love part not so much.

My first thought was to comment that I wouldn't be buying a t-shirt from her since I don't believe that every child deserves a mom and a dad.  (Sometimes, I can be a LITTLE passive-aggressive.)  After all, Sara is thriving and she doesn't have a dad.  Then my train of thought started down a crazy, long, guilt-filled track...

*Do I really believe that Sara doesn't deserve a mom and dad?

*Of course, she deserves it.  Every kid does.

*So, did I do her a disservice by adopting her?  Should I have waited and prayed for a married couple to adopt her?  After all, I was reminded time and time again during the process that a lot of Christian organizations don't believe single women should adopt.  (Most won't say that outright but they will only support married couples.)  

*Maybe she deserves it but doesn't need it.  After all, how many kids really have two loving, committed, involved parents.  Then again, I'm not sure I want my child to turn out like all the other kids these days.

*It's not like there is no chance she'll ever have a father.  Then again, there is a chance she won't.  If I actually met someone worthy of being her dad, I would never tell him that I don't think she deserves a father and a mother.

*She's clearly better off with me than she was in an orphanage.  She's growing, learning and talking like crazy.  But, is better off enough?  Doesn't she deserve the best?  But how do I know that "the best" was going to come along for her?  Certainly better off is better than nothing.

*Well, now I don't know what I think.  And I'm feeling kind of guilty.  After all, she loves men.  Maybe she should have a dad...

*How did I end up here from someone's innocent post about a t-shirt?

*Wait!  I answered this question before on my blog.  What did I say then?

How do you let go of the guilt of knowing your child may never have a father? I wonder if I didn't adopt my yet unknown son would a two parent family come along and adopt him? And then he'd have a daddy.   Of course I haven't given up on marriage at all so that's still a possibility. And obviously a mommy is better than an orphanage or mental institution.  When you see kids with their dads do you feel a little bit sad for Sara? 

That's a pretty loaded and personal question.  I'll probably just scratch the surface of this one.  

Like the questioner, I haven't completely given up on the idea of marriage.  I would love for Sara to have an amazing father.  I would love for her to grow up in a stable, two-parent family.  Isn't that what everyone wants for their child?  Unfortunately, we live in a very imperfect world.  (If it was perfect, we wouldn't need adoption at all.)  A lot of children these days don't grow up in two-parent families.  A lot of children grow up with parents that are uninvolved in their lives.  I agree that a mom is better than an orphanage but I think it's more than that.  Sara may only have one parent but she has one parent that is completely devoted to her.  I'd say that's better than two mediocre parents any day!  
(And, if I'm being completely honest, I hated Father's Day this year.  We got to celebrate with my dad but it did highlight what Sara doesn't have.)  

*Hmmmm...well, whether or not she has a father, I need to feed her dinner.  I guess I'll get off the crazy train now.

Yes.  This is really how my mind works.  It spins and spins and rarely comes up with actual answers.

I guess the bottom line for tonight is that God brought Sara to me.  If you know any of our story, you know that has to be true.  If God wants her to have a father, he'll bring him to us as well.  If not, we'll go on growing and learning and thriving together.