Saturday, October 27, 2012

Highs and Lows. Ups and Downs.

Just when I give up hope that Sara will be coming home for Christmas, I get some news that makes it seem like a possibility again.

Generally, I am not a super emotional person. I'm not a crier. Well, I wasn't. This process has put me on an emotional roller coaster that I'm not sure anyone can prepare for. I'm a mess. Everyone around me wants to be encouraging and hold onto hope but sometimes it's just so hard. A lot of times, I convince myself that she isn't coming home until January because it's just easier. Then, something happens and I get my hopes up again.

I got an email this week from USCIS. My I-800 has been approved and is in the mail. This means, there is still hope of Sara coming home before Christmas. This news has put me into full nesting mode. I've been buying the last few things on my list that I need for Sara. I'm putting the finishing touches on her play room. (Her room is already done.) I dragged a bed frame out of the garage to put together for the guest room. (I've been tripping over that thing for almost 2 years and never bothered before.) I rearranged my classroom. It's bad.

I know that my hopes are up too high. I know that I will be really hurt if she isn't home by Christmas. I also know that I have NO CONTROL over this. I am waiting for her Article 5 to be granted and then for a court date. This date will be set by ICBF in Colombia and my lawyer. I have no idea when I will get the date, how much time I'll have to wait before I go, or when that date will be. (Trust me. When I know, I'll spread the word!)

Please pray for Sara. Her care package should be arriving in Colombia soon. The orphanage staff will then start working with her to prepare her for this huge change. I don't know how much she will understand but I do know that this change will be hard for her. She is leaving EVERYTHING she knows.

Please pray for me. I am a planner. I want to know when she will be home, where I will be for Thanksgiving, if I will be alone at Christmas. I also want to know if she got her package, how she's doing, how much she understands, how she's going to react. I have so many thoughts, wishes, dreams, and fears running through my head and then I come back to Sara and how much her world is about to change.

Just when I think I've gotten through the hard parts of this process, the next step comes up and it's even harder. The hardest pieces are yet to come!

Is it too soon to put the car seat in the car? (I'm hoping and dreaming again....)


  1. This made me cry, Natalie. I have no words of encouragement or anything because I feel the same way. But, you WILL NOT be alone at Christmas - you may not have your sweet girl yet, but you won't be alone. Love you, Sweetie, Mom.

  2. I'm so glad your I800 is approved! However, I know waiting is soooo hard. I wonder if your Article 5 wait is similar to what it is for Ch*na...not too horribly long for that step, usually, at least for us. I say put the car seat in the car :) Hehe....we won't travel 'til late winter/early Spring and I'm already ready to do that :)