2012 - A Year of Waiting and Anticipation

If you know me at all, you know what 2012 was all about for me.  It was a year of lots of big decisions, lots of waiting, lots of stress and lots of excitement.  2013 is sure to be the craziest year of my life so far!  Here are some highlights of 2012 (both adoption and non-adoption related):

January
Adoption:  

I started this entire process.  I looked into different programs, contacted Reece's Rainbow, the adoption agency and the home study agency.  I sought advice from family and friends.  I received a packet containing this beautiful picture.
I started filling out reams and reams of paperwork.  This would continue for the entire year.

Non-Adoption:
Ummm...something must have happened......

February
Adoption:  
I had an intake meeting with the social worker for my home study.  
My homestudy was officially started.  
Sara and I were officially matched on RR.

Non-Adoption:
I spent a weekend in Indy with Anna and with some dear friends from Maine.  It was fun to reconnect with Lisa and her family.

March
Adoption:  
I had my home visit with the social worker.
I did my 10 hours of training required by Hague.

Non-Adoption:
I spent my spring break with my family in NY.  These are the kinds of things I do with my family:

April
Adoption:  
My amazing work friends through me a toddler shower.

Non-Adoption:
My family welcomed another little girl.  Kinsley Morgan Keller was born to my brother and sister-in-law on April 20th.

May
Adoption:  
My home study was FINALLY finished.
My i-800A was submitted to USCIS.

Non-Adoption:
I spent my last "I'm not a Mom" Mother's day.
I got to meet my first RR baby--Henry.

June
Adoption:  
The women in my small group put together a huge yard sale for Sara.  Despite the yucky weather, it was a HUGE success.
My mother threw me a shower with some friends and family in NY.  My sister made the trip and I got to meet my new niece.  I also got to meet Angie and Jason.  (We have walked through this process together.  I can't wait to get our girls together.) 

Non-Adoption:
Anna and I went on one last girls' vacation to Cozumel, Mexico.  Thanks to LivingSocial, we got a great deal.  It involved sitting in the pool and doing little else (except dodging some of the staff) for 6 days.  Amazing.

July
Adoption:  
My I-800A application was approved by USCIS.  This let me start filling out grant applications and submit my dossier.

Non-Adoption:
I dog sat for a week.  The dog survived and so did I!
I spent a weekend in Holland, MI with my dear friend Becky.

August
Adoption:  
I received word that I had been given a large grant by Show Hope.  What a blessing!
Sara celebrated her 4th birthday---the last one she will know without a family.
My dossier was submitted.

Non-Adoption:
I spent a weekend in Indy with Anna.  It involved lots of trips to Joanns and Redbox.  I have to appreciate a friend that loves low-key weekends as much as I do.
I also spent a chunk of time in NY with my parents.  My mom and I even went "camping."  We stayed in the air-conditioned RV and watched lots of ER and knit.  We did it in the state park so it's considered camping, right?

September
Adoption:  
Sara's orphanage approved my request to adopt her.

Non-Adoption:
I started my 13th year of teaching.  I'm really not sure how that happened.  I swear I'm not that old!

October
Adoption:  
I got Sara's official referral in October.  Before that, I had a few pages and a couple of little pictures.  Her referral allowed me to find out tons more about her and fall even farther in love with her.  It also allowed me to accept her referral and tell my country and hers that I wanted to be her mom.  It also meant I got a new picture.

I was issued my approval by USCIS.  A huge step in the process!

Non-Adoption:
I spent three days in Minnesota at a conference for work.  I got to experience the Mall of America and add another state to my list.  I think we decided I'm at 40.


November
Adoption:  

Not much really happened on the adoption front.  I found out that Sara wouldn't be home in time for Christmas and that I would have to wait until January to travel.  The rest of the month was spent waiting and waiting and waiting.
I got to hang out with Angie.  We had our own little "our girls won't be home for Christmas pity party."  We also went and met Selah and Yvonne.  I had been following their story since August and had seen Selah in the hospital days after their accident.  It was nice to finally meet them!
Non-Adoption:
I flew to NY for Thanksgiving.  My sister didn't make it home but the rest of the family got some time together.  I got to spend a little time with my aunt and 4 cousins.  I'm not sure the last time we all were together.

December  
Adoption:  
Sara's Article 5 was issued.  This is the promise from the US Embassy that they will issue her a visa to come to the US.  This means that I finally got a travel date.  I booked tickets, got a visa, booked the hotel.  Traveling planning was in full swing.

I also got to Skype with Sara.  It was absolutely priceless.  I didn't really say much.  I just sat and watched her.  She's convinced my dad is Santa Claus and kept asking where the dog was.  Poor child may be very disappointed when she finally gets home!

Non-Adoption:
I got to spend the day waiting for this little princess to arrive into the world.  Her mom and I have worked together forever and it was such a privilege to spend a day in the hospital awaiting her arrival.

I drove to NY for Christmas.  Every time I drive, I vow I'll never do it again.  But, I needed to bring back a lot of pork from an adoption fundraiser so I drove.  I managed to miss most of the snow on the trip but there was definitely plenty at my parents' house.

Our Christmases tend to be very low key affairs, which is really how must of us prefer it!  We spent some time with my nieces---something I just don't get to do enough of.  It was fun to think about what Christmas will look like next year with another little girl running around!

(I also got an iPhone.  Not sure if this is blog-worthy or not but I love it!)  

Lessons Learned:
*I have some of the most amazing, generous, giving, supportive friends and family in the world.
*Sometimes, if you have the guts to speak your craziest, wildest ideas out loud, you'll learn that they aren't crazy at all.
*Sometimes, it's best to not really know how hard something is going to be when you get into it.
*There are good people in the world.  People that will help complete strangers.

Highs and Lows. Ups and Downs.

Just when I give up hope that Sara will be coming home for Christmas, I get some news that makes it seem like a possibility again.

Generally, I am not a super emotional person. I'm not a crier. Well, I wasn't. This process has put me on an emotional roller coaster that I'm not sure anyone can prepare for. I'm a mess. Everyone around me wants to be encouraging and hold onto hope but sometimes it's just so hard. A lot of times, I convince myself that she isn't coming home until January because it's just easier. Then, something happens and I get my hopes up again.

I got an email this week from USCIS. My I-800 has been approved and is in the mail. This means, there is still hope of Sara coming home before Christmas. This news has put me into full nesting mode. I've been buying the last few things on my list that I need for Sara. I'm putting the finishing touches on her play room. (Her room is already done.) I dragged a bed frame out of the garage to put together for the guest room. (I've been tripping over that thing for almost 2 years and never bothered before.) I rearranged my classroom. It's bad.

I know that my hopes are up too high. I know that I will be really hurt if she isn't home by Christmas. I also know that I have NO CONTROL over this. I am waiting for her Article 5 to be granted and then for a court date. This date will be set by ICBF in Colombia and my lawyer. I have no idea when I will get the date, how much time I'll have to wait before I go, or when that date will be. (Trust me. When I know, I'll spread the word!)

Please pray for Sara. Her care package should be arriving in Colombia soon. The orphanage staff will then start working with her to prepare her for this huge change. I don't know how much she will understand but I do know that this change will be hard for her. She is leaving EVERYTHING she knows.

Please pray for me. I am a planner. I want to know when she will be home, where I will be for Thanksgiving, if I will be alone at Christmas. I also want to know if she got her package, how she's doing, how much she understands, how she's going to react. I have so many thoughts, wishes, dreams, and fears running through my head and then I come back to Sara and how much her world is about to change.

Just when I think I've gotten through the hard parts of this process, the next step comes up and it's even harder. The hardest pieces are yet to come!

Is it too soon to put the car seat in the car? (I'm hoping and dreaming again....)

Crickets

Once again, I am waiting for paperwork to be processed. I check my mailbox as soon as I get home and I'm probably going to get busted at work for the number of times I check my phone during the day to see if there is any news. Nothing.

Here's what little is going on:
*USCIS sent a letter saying they had received my paper work and it was being sent from the lock box to the officer. That came last week. I emailed the officer today but did not get a response.

*I got this email from the agency today:
I received your package in the mail today and it will be picked up to be sent to Colombia within the next hour. Your choice of gifts were beyond perfect. We are so excited to have yours be our first care package to be sent to Colombia. Sarita is such a lucky little girl.
So, my little girl will soon have her pictures, bear, and Red Sox outfit.

*The agency posted this on their facebook page today:
Today we are sending a care package to a little girl in Colombia who is getting closer and closer to meeting her new mommy. How can we fit all that love into one single box?! We're so excited!!!
I love how excited they are!

*The agency said this week that the orphanage staff are planning to take something out of her package to use as a Christmas gift. I'm guessing that means they don't think she'll be home for Christmas.

There is still no definite information or time line. There is still a very, very small chance she could be home this year. I'm planning to buy my plane ticket for Thanksgiving today and decide when I want to use my personal days for this year. That ought to get me a travel date.....

Back to Waiting and Wondering

It's been a crazy weekend. I scrambled and got all the paperwork done to go out in the mail tomorrow. (Stupid Columbus Day that I didn't even get off from work!)

*My referral acceptance letter has been mailed.

*My FBI fingerprints were taken twice and are now in the mail.

*My USCIS paperwork is waiting for two little answers from the agency that was closed today. I will mail it after work tomorrow.

*I have most of her care package done. I made a photo book of her new home, family, and friends. I made a Build-a-Bear and recorded my voice for her. I also bought her an adorable outfit that I think defines her new family pretty well.

*I put the finishing touches on Sara's room.

*Her visa application is ready to go to the Embassy in her country. I will email it tomorrow.

Everything is done that I can do! While it's a great feeling, I'm back to the waiting spot. You know, that spot I HATE! I am waiting. Waiting to see how long it will take to process my paper work. Waiting for approval. Waiting for a court date. Waiting to see if my little girl will be home for Christmas. Waiting to hold her in my arms.

Getting Warmer....Warmer....You're getting Hot!

Remember that game we used to play as children? One person closed their eyes and stumbled around for a hidden item while the others yelled things like "Cold. Freezing Cold" and "You're getting Warmer" or "You're burning up!" Well, I feel like I've been playing that game for months. I've been stumbling around, trying to follow the rules, jump through the hoops, make the payments. Sometimes I felt like maybe I was getting warmer but then I'd learn that I was still pretty cold. Finally, after months, I feel like I am getting HOT! I am so close to getting my little girl home. I can barely contain my excitement, fear, apprehension, joy, and every other emotion in the book.

To be honest, I've found this whole process to be very isolating. I have tons of great, wonderful, supportive people around me. I know that I am very blessed. At the same time, though, I am doing this alone. I don't have a spouse walking through this with me. The worries, doubts, excitements, stresses, ups and downs are all mine.

Yesterday, I sat in my living room reading Sara's official referral packet. I was alternating smiling, crying, holding my breath, and longing. I probably won't share the majority of the information in that with anyone. I have no problem sharing her development, likes, and personality with those that already love her but some of the things in that paperwork are just for her mom to know. She has been through a lot for a four year old. There have been people in her life that have loved her at various points but she has missed out on the one thing that every person should have---the love of a family. After reading her paperwork and seeing her updated picture, I long even more to have her in my arms as soon as possible. I had made peace with the possibility that she would not be home in time for Christmas. Now, that is not an acceptable option in my mind. She needs to be home soon. She needs a mom!

When the post office opens on Tuesday, I will have my FBI paperwork, my USCIS paperwork, and my referral acceptance letter ready to go. I will not delay my daughter's homecoming by even one day. Please pray that both the FBI and USCIS process the paperwork quickly. Pray for Sara as they prepare her for her new family. I get to send a care package to her that includes a photo album, a Red Sox outfit, and a Build A Bear that has my voice recorded in it. Pray that she will understand that she is loved!