School Stuff - My Advice

If you know me at all in real life (or on facebook), you know that I have had nothing but constant issues with Sara's school this year.  The district was great to work with before she came home.  In my own naive little world, I assumed that everything would be fine.  After all, I'm a special education teacher.  I know how these things work.  Certainly I wouldn't have any problems.  I couldn't have been more wrong.

*I should note that the majority of the problems come from a completely incompetent teacher.  The whole district isn't bad but this teacher has  no idea what she's doing.  

I want to share some of the things I've learned.  These things may be helpful to anyone who has a child with special needs--even if you are a special education teacher with 13 years experience!  

*Learn the laws!!  Education laws change from state to state.  Even the most knowledgeable person can't know them all.  However, IDEA is a federal law and anyone can learn the basics of that.  There are also a lot of books out there about Special Education law.  A quick google search of Special Education Law and your state will produce a lot of results.  Learn as much as you can.

*Get an advocate!!  You do not have to spend money to hire a lawyer.  You don't need someone with a fancy title.  You just need someone that can go to meetings with you.  If you introduce them as a parent advocate, they will garner respect---even if they are just your next door neighbor.

I've been in more IEP meetings than I can count as a teacher.  I've sat in on some of my brothers' IEP meetings.  Sitting in one as a parent is an entirely different game.  It's intimidating.  So much is being said so quickly.  It's impossible to catch and process it all.  Bring someone with you who can take notes.  Even if that's all they do, that's ok.  Even if you have the best relationship with the school possible and your child is doing amazingly well, it's always nice to have another set of eyes and ears at a meeting.

It's helpful if your advocate does have some special education knowledge and experience.  A lot of times, a local disability support group can help you find one.  Sometimes, the school has parents who volunteer for that role.  Don't be afraid to ask!

I am blessed with many friends who are very knowledgeable in the field.  I bring a friend to meetings with me.  I introduce her as my friend Sharon.  I let them draw their own conclusions.

*Ask questions.  I have learned over the years that asking questions can get you a lot farther than direct confrontation.  I use this in a lot of areas of my life.

If you don't understand why something is being done with your child or what the rationale is for something, just ask.  Sara was coming home with homework packets from Kindergarten that were way over her head.  My assumption was that this is what she is working on at school and I didn't understand why she was working on Kindergarten skills when she didn't have all the readiness skills yet.  So, I asked in the meeting yesterday what the rationale was for that.  I was told that due to state regulations and Common Core, Kindergarten age students need to be exposed to Kindergarten concepts.  While I still don't really agree with it, I understand now the rationale and legalities behind it.  Rather than start a fight or get into a confrontation, I asked.  She answered.  I understood.

*Sweat the little things.   If there are things going on that you don't like or don't approve of, bring them up before all the little things turn into a big thing.  I spent the first several weeks of the school year assuming that things were going to get better.  It felt like each day something small was going wrong or not being done.  I didn't want to nitpick so I didn't bring it up.  By the time someone did ask me why I was so frustrated, I had a long laundry list of things.  I wish now that I'd brought things up one at a time and not waiting until it was a multiple page email.  I've had parents do that to me and I didn't appreciate it.  As a teacher, you can't fix things that you don't know are wrong.

*Ask for what your child needs.  Unfortunately, schools don't seem to offer services, evaluations, or accommodations, without a parent asking.  I'm not sure why that is because I know that there are good therapists, teachers, and administrators out there.  As a parent, you have to ask.  If your child doesn't speak, you should be asking for a full speech and assistive tech eval.  If your child has sensory or fine motor issues, you need to ask for a complete OT evaluation and services.  I just found out this week that the school will take care of Sara's hearing testing because she failed the test at school.  (I sure wish I'd known that before I paid $45 to take her for an eval.)  As the school if they provide the service that your child needs or if they know someone that does.  Most schools will provide what you ask for.

*Understand that 99%  of the people you come in contact with love your child and want the best for them.  Yes.  There are definitely horror stories out there of mean, lazy, abusive, neglectful, or awful teachers.  They do exist.  But, the vast majority of us in the field are in it because we love the kids.  We want to see them succeed.  We want to help them reach their potential.  Like everyone else, we have off days.  We make mistakes.  There may be days that your kid comes home with some lunch on their face.  It doesn't mean we hate your child or we ignored them all day.  It just means we got really busy or we had an off day.

Even though I have no faith in Sara's teacher's ability to educate my child, I don't think she's a bad person.  I don't think she's trying to hold my child back or even that she's lazy.  I think she just has no idea how to appropriately teach my child.  I can't say anything bad about her as a person, even though I feel like her classroom is not the appropriate place for my child.

I have been in meetings where parents have insulted and degraded me as a person.  That's really not fair.  Even if you don't think that I am the best person to be teaching your child, you don't know me as a person.  I know that emotions run high when it comes to our kids.  Please try to remember that chances are that teacher is working as hard as she can to help your child--even if she's working on the wrong things or in the wrong way.  She is most likely going home exhausted from trying to help your child--even if she isn't succeeding.

I am sure that I will learn more lessons as I walk down this path.  Even writing this post has been a good reminder for me.  I am not fighting AGAINST a school district or teacher.  I am fighting FOR my child.   

What lessons have you learned that will help me (and other) navigate this crazy educational journey?  

School Disagreements

I got a call last week asking me to come in and discuss the plan for Sara's education next year.  The social worker said, that because she will be 5 in August, they wanted her to go to the early childhood class in the morning; to Kindergarten for creative moment (gym), lunch, and recess; and to return to her current early childhood class in the afternoon.  I said that sounded like a good plan.  She's got some catching up to do and can use all the help she can get.  Having her spend some time with the Kindergarteners would help us now if she's ready for K next year.  My only concern at that point was her ability to handle a full day.  She's so tired now with a half day.  I'm worried that she will be so tired in the afternoon that it will be counterproductive for her to be there and they will start to see some negative behaviors.  Of course, as soon as I hung up the phone, I had a long list of questions.

When I dropped her off on Tuesday, the other moms were asking me if Sara was going to summer school.  Huh.  The school never mentioned summer school.....  (I've never dropped Sara off at school.  Guess I picked the right day to do it.)  I now had two issues to bring up at the meeting.

The meeting was just the social worker and I.  Not a full team.  I knew that going in but that was before I had so many questions.  I'm wishing now there had been someone there with the authority to actually make decisions.

The social worker seemed surprised I was interested in summer school.  I don't know that Sara will be there every single day but she can use all the help she can get.  She's only been in this country for 2 months.  She's still learning the language.  How would they not think she would benefit from summer school?  She said she would have to ask the sped director.

I asked about next year.  I still have a hope that Sara will be ready for inclusion Kindergarten the year she is six.  I know that she isn't anywhere near ready right now.  She's only been in school for a month.  Who's to say she won't be ready next year?  How can you tell that in a month?  I would like her in the full day preschool program next year and inclusion Kindergarten when she's 6.  I was afraid, though, that by putting her in full day next year, they would count that as her K year and move her to 1st grade the next year--which she won't be ready for.  I feel like they are trying to track her into separate classes for the rest of her life.  Let's give the poor girl a fighting chance!!!

I was told that district policy is to not hold kids back.  Kids must stay with their same-age peers.  I understand the need for policy and the need for rules.  I also understand the need for exceptions.  They will probably not ever run into a case like Sara's again.  They won't be setting some future precedent by making this "exception."

I'm waiting to hear back from the sped director.  She was great to work with when I was enrolling Sara.  I hope it continues to be that way.  If not, I think I still have the option to keep her in half day preschool next year.  I think.  I do know that I have a few people waiting in the wings to help me out if it comes to that.  I really hope it doesn't.  I'd hate to have an adversarial relationship so quickly!

Day 3 - Home Visits - Friday

On Friday, Jenna, Michelle and I established a new morning routine---conducting our morning meeting while walking to and from Starbucks. Our hotel was definitely in a very Americanized part of Lima: Starbucks, Fridays, McDonalds, Chilis---all right around the corner.

Friday morning we conducted home visits with leader-mothers and their families in the community. At first, I really didn't understand the point of these meetings but we found the same things with these families as we did with the others we visited: they all had stories and they loved sharing their lives with us.

My team, once again, hiked all the way up the hill. We visited Elva, her son Mikiar, and daughter Grace. Elva shared her sewing business with us. She also shared about her hometown in the hills. She was definitely proud of her heritage. Elva is also quite the matchmaker. She asked each of us if we were married, how many kids we have, etc. I am set to marry her 33-year-old brother. I just have to come

back in October for her son's baptism so I can meet him. Apparently, he also sews. She also asked me to bring my 18-year-old brother with me so he can marry her sister. I think she might end up being pretty disappointed in that situation. Kyle was instructed to take her 3-year-old son back to the States with him since he only has two daughters. I think she really loves her family but is looking for a better life for them than she has. At the end of our time, she invited us to have lunch with her family on Tuesday. She would prepare a traditional meal from the highlands. Of course, we had to accept but looked forward to that meal with anticipation and dread.

After our visits, we stopped by the preschool in the community. The teacher shared with us what her day looks like. The kids were adorable, of course.

We then headed off to an amazing lasgana lunch at the FH offices. Yum! We had about 20 extra minutes to kill. So, in true Janelle fashion, I introduced the team to High/Low. It was good to sit and think about the good moments, the rough ones, and the funny ones.

The FH staff used our visit to have a conversation with the community about family violence. (This is their current focus.) Before they started, the Kooyenga family was able to share a little bit about their story and their two sons, both of whom graduated from Elim. Kathy said that, eventually, she learned that she didn't need to try to fix her sons, she just needed to teach them about Jesus. God would fix them when they got to heaven. What an amazing perspective! To end their time, we sang Alabare--our one attempt to sing in Spanish.

During the majority of the workshop, we were able to visit more families of children with disabilities. I was thrilled to learn that I would get to visit Yoda. (We thought his name was Jordan for a while but finally saw it written out in his school notebook.) His mother is a hard-working woman who loves her son but struggles with what his future holds. Yoda has technically aged-out of the school system at 15. He was still in 3rd grade and the school did not welcome him back this year. I was able to chat with the mom about what the future could hold for Yoda. While school is not really an option for him at this point, I encouraged her to help him find a purpose in life: whether it be helping her at work, running water up and down the hill for people, assisting the FH staff. He needs to find something that he enjoys doing and something that keeps him out of trouble.

For dinner, we were able to take the 5 families from the community that had children with disabilities out to dinner. It was a special time for everyone involved. It was a HUGE treat for these kids. Yoda's little sister announced this was the best restaurant in the whole world. (It was a chicken place a little nicer than KFC.) I think it was also really nice for the families to realize that they are not alone. I think most of them knew the other families existed but they

didn't seem to really know each other. I was especially excited to see Ashley's family there. They had been at doctor's appointments all day but still made an effort to make it. I think that just shows how desperate they are for community. We all had tons of fun eating, chatting, hanging out, and taking lots of pictures.

One of my favorite moments was when dinner ended. Everyone at the table asked for a plastic bag. They each took all their bones, leftovers, salads, etc and put them in the back. There was not an ounce of food or scraps left on the table. The bones went to their dogs. (Dogs chocking on chicken bones must be an American myth because they have tons of dogs that seem to be surviving just fine.) The salads to their pigs. They didn't waste anything. Definitely something we Americans could learn from them.

Once again, we came arrived back at the hotel rubbing our eyes and ready for bed. I think it's safe to say that Friday was a highlight for a lot of the team.