Coincidence?

Tonight was Family Fun Night at Sara's school.  We paid $1 and got way more food than we could eat, games, pony rides, face painting, and a bounce house.  I knew Sara would love it so I signed us up.

Then I started to dread it.  I knew exactly how it would go down.  Sara would spend the vast majority of the night in the bounce house and I'd be stuck standing outside with nothing to do and no one to talk to.  These are the types of events that make me really wish I had a husband.  But again, I knew Sara would love it so we went.

It went down pretty much exactly as I thought it would.  EXCEPT----

Sara's math teacher was running the bounce house.  We started chatting.  Her first questions were about adoption.  She was thrilled to realize that I had CHOSEN to adopt Sara KNOWING that she had Down syndrome.  She started telling me that:

*She's always kind of wanted a child with Down syndrome.
*She's never told anyone that because she thought it sounded crazy.
*She's always been drawn to her students with DS.
*Her students with DS have always been her favorites---except teachers don't have favorites.
*She didn't realize you could adopt a child with DS before she heard Sara's story.
*She has a lot of professional experience that would be valuable.
*She really feels like she has a lot to offer a child with DS.
*She really thinks she could do it.
*But, she's not married.

That is my EXACT story!  I wrote it out here when I was first considering adoption.

Things got busy after that so I told her that she should definitely consider it and that LOTS of kids with Down syndrome are looking for families.  Of course, I told her that she should check out Reece's Rainbow and contact me if she had anymore questions or wanted to chat.

I have never met this woman before tonight and probably wouldn't have if we hadn't gone.  She only has Sara for math so she doesn't come to the IEP meetings.  I'm rarely at Sara's school because of my work schedule.  It's very possible our paths would never have crossed.

It was very clear to me that she adores Sara and that Sara's story has touched her heart.  People always say that Sara is very lucky to have been adopted but I know that a lot of people have been blessed by Sara.  This little girl is capturing hearts every where she goes.  I'm the one that is blessed to be a part of her life.  

Some pictures of Family Fun Night:

Grandpa has taught us to always be early so we were waiting in the car for it to start.  

The first thing we found was the food.  

First Pony Ride.  It took her a little while to relax.  

Last time I took her for a pony ride, she waited for an hour and wouldn't get on.  This time she rode like a pro!

Frustration

I have no intention of linking this post on facebook. Only the people that truly follow my blog will ever see this post. BECAUSE....I'm about to pour out my heart. (At the same time, I know this is out there for who ever wants to read it.)


I'm frustrated. For a very long time, I've wanted a husband and a family. I've gone through periods of great frustration that I don't have that in my life. I don't think I've been angry. Just frustrated and heart broken.

I just don't understand why I have that strong desire and yet it just doesn't seem to happen to me. Frankly, I have told God multiple times, in no uncertain terms, how I feel about this situation. (Think what you want of me. I figure he already knows so I can tell him.)

This hasn't been a constant frustration. It has come and gone over the years. I have lived a great life. I've traveled all over--whenever I wanted. I've had great friends and great experiences. I've done a lot of things that I couldn't have if I'd gotten married and had kids right out of college. I know this and I'm so grateful for it. I am so thankful for all the experiences I've had but I'm ready to settle down. I'm ready to move on to the next phase of my life.

Sara has been a huge answer to prayer for me. I never thought I'd be a single parent. It's definitely not something I planned. After all, I planned to have a husband! I've learned that my family doesn't have to look it does in my day dreams. It can look like my little angel and I. I really am ok with that!

However, the adoption process has not relieved me of my frustration. You see, I have fallen in love with several kids on Reece's Rainbow. There is one that continues to capture my heart. His file is with the same agency as Sara's. I think he may even be in the same orphanage. He is 15 months old and so desperately needs a family. Imagine how amazing it would be for him to start early intervention so young and experience the love of a family so early in his life!

So, I'm back to my frustration. Frustrated because, if I had a husband, I would bring them both home. No question. Financially, it makes a lot of sense to adopt two at once. Logistically, it makes a lot of sense to only travel to the country once. But, I just don't have a peace about doing it as a single mother. (I know then that a lot of you would be convinced I'd lost my mind!) I just don't think I can handle a full time job, school, a preschooler and a baby.

So, I'm back to if only....

If only I had a husband....